“Mom, are we poor? I’m wondering because I don’t feel poor, but someone said we were poor. Well, are we?”
This is what one or more of my children have asked me over the years. Usually it was prompted by something they overheard from a relative or at some church meeting we attended (which was often since we were a minister’s family for over a decade).
It’s no secret; most homeschooling families have to do more on less money. This is because someone has to stay home and direct the education of the children, hence, the loss of an income.
Added to this is the increase in the number of children most homeschoolers have, and it’s easy to see how finances can become pretty tight. (I think we pushed this thing to the max by having 15 of our own.)
There are some unique challenges this poses:
- Homeschoolers are already considered to be on the fringe of society, so not having the funds to purchase all of the bells and whistles of life make them stick out even more. They have interesting clothing styles and drive around cars that are often past their prime. They may have homes that are older or are in less-than-desirable neighborhoods.
- A lot of Americans associate having trendy “stuff” with being good parents. This leaves homeschoolers vulnerable to unwarranted accusations of neglect and abuse. For instance, they may live in a smaller house so the children have to share rooms, sometimes more than two to a room. They may wear hand-me-downs that are not in the best shape. They may share tech or not own the latest and greatest. They may not own even ONE Stanley cup!
- When mixing in with the general population, there is an assumption parents can come up with the money for equipment, books, etc. so that homeschoolers can find it hard to participate. You know, the private lessons, the instruments, the uniforms, the shoes, the fees, the gas to go on long trips for meets, etc.
- Affording curriculum for a lot of children on a budget can make homeschooling seem impossible. I think about this when I go online and investigate what people are expected to spend on curriculum packages or online homeschooling. Even with family discounts, the prices are crazy.
Since I have been on this journey of one-income living for quite a while, I’d like to share some experiences and encouragement for those of us who are burdened by challenges like the ones I listed above.
First of all, we need to reevaluate the commonly accepted norms of our society.
In our times, culture is not organic. It does not flow naturally from the institutions of family and church, it is foisted upon us by the oligarchs who rule with a gilded fist.
We’re not allowed to wait until we experience an actual need before we buy something. Instead, a need is manufactured for us (thinking here of the push for $50 Stanley tumblers—who knew we would “need” one in every color and pattern, along with an attachable snack tray and cell phone stand.)
Instead of purchasing a pair of leather shoes which can be refurbished and passed down to numerous children, we purchase plastic ones sporting popular movie characters which look awful after only one season of wear.
And because of the trendy shoes, and bigger house, and new car, and cups of specialty coffee, we also need a second income, and sometimes even a third…
…which means we also need someone to mind the children while we are laboring to provide for all their “needs.”
This is a great reason why a lot of people cannot see themselves as homeschooling parents. Losing their second income would cause them to “look poor,” which is the modern version of wearing a scarlet letter.
(If you sit and think about it, adultery is fine and can be forgiven, but being poor is somehow a sign you are living a sinful life.)
At this point I could launch into a discussion of how we need to redirect our values and teach our children that we should be heavenly-minded, not earthly minded, and etc. and so-on.
And this is obvious and helpful, but you’ve heard all that before.
Instead, I’m going to teach you something that will help you rise above the entire conversation. I’m going to help you overcome all the scorn and the shame.
You see, there is a great difference between being poor and being “poverty-stricken.”
When a person is moral, hardworking, thankful, and contented but simply has more month than money, they are poor.
But when a person is hopeless, envious, bitter, and deprived of moral character, then they are “poverty-stricken.” You could say they are “impoverished” because the poor isn’t just on the outside, it has embedded itself deeply into their soul.
Impoverished definition: Deprived of richness or strength; limited or depleted.
American Heritage Dictionary
In the exercise of removing ourselves from being poverty-stricken, homeschooling has the advantage.
Why? Because it keeps us from being swallowed up into the system of the oligarchy. Instead of measuring our joy in terms of all the things we can buy, we can measure ourselves in all the things we can become.
We don’t put our energies into making more money so we can purchase more things and have more exotic experiences, we invest into becoming more:
- Kind.
- Generous.
- Interesting.
- Interested.
- Creative.
- Adaptive.
- Fun.
- Positive.
- Thoughtful.
My husband taught me a lot about this.
He was reared in a large family with a single parent. Life was not only hard, it was almost impossible. They were so poor growing up that they lived in a migrant shack in the winter time and could see the snowflakes fall outside through the cracks in the wall.
I’m sad to say that a few of his siblings did become “poverty stricken.” They internalized their difficulties and turned to drugs and alcohol.
But this wasn’t my husband.
He may not have had money to afford any of the normal things other people enjoyed, but he became ingenious at making the best of what he did have.
This one skill has helped us through some great trials, and continues to help us both as we grow older.
He also learned how to make everything FUN.
Our dates were things like eating at Taco Bell and walking around the lake at a park, but we didn’t mind; it was being together that was the thrilling part.
There was no big wedding because there wouldn’t have been any money, not even for a cake. So we opted for a few witnesses and ate at an actual restaurant after.
And we’re still going strong after 44 years and 15 children!
I was also raised poor—so poor that my single-parent family lived in a trailer court behind a topless bar (there was a top on the building, just not tops on the waitresses).
But that didn’t make me poverty-stricken, either. It made me creative and adaptable.
These good lessons:
- Making the best of everything.
- Making everything fun.
- Being creative and adaptable.
Are what we’ve taught to our children as we navigated our lives with them.
Here are some practical ways we’ve done this:
We started by celebrating and enjoying our children.
From the very beginning, we would celebrate the tiniest milestones.
If a child took his first step, we clapped and cheered. If he put his own shoes on, we clapped and cheered. If he lost his first tooth, we clapped and cheered. Everything and anything positive was appreciated by everyone.
We enjoyed alternate entertainment.
For a while there, when we had three children all under the age of four, we didn’t own a television (this was just as cordless phones were being introduced—smart phones and home computers weren’t even an idea yet). So, we would simply sit on the couch and watch our children chase each other around the room—and I mean that literally.
Other times my husband would read classified ads backwards or in an Indian accent, or we would read a novel out loud to each other.
As the children grew older, we would take them on what we called “safari.” This meant that we would put all the kids in the car and ride off, not knowing exactly where we would end up. Sometimes it would be washing the car or doing other errands, but we would wind up in a nature park with some day-old donuts we bought along the way. Other times we would find ourselves at Sam’s Club enjoying all the free samples we could find..but it was always an adventure!
We put on plays, played basketball (we made some pretty good teams together), went on nature walks, sculpted, crafted, sang (we have our own set of hymnals), baked, gardened, and painted the house while listening to oldies on the radio.
We found ways to look good to outsiders.
There were two important events we were obliged to attend each year as a minister’s family. One was in the spring, and the other was in the fall.
This meant that for a whole week our children had to look like we had money for clothes (which we actually didn’t, but we didn’t go out a lot, which means it didn’t normally matter).
So, I would have to be creative.
I would pray, and I would visit our local Goodwill Outlet. In case you’ve never been, this is truly an experience. Back when I shopped, the clothes and shoes were only $1.25 a pound! I would go through the bins and the racks in the store and grab anything and everything I found which was like-new and nice. We were often blessed with items that were still tagged but were missing a button or had a seam that wasn’t completely sewn.
I would take everything I found home and fix it up. I would begin by wiping down and laundering, then I would repair. I would sew on buttons, take in sides, do some hemming, etc. I would also clean, repair, and polish shoes (I had learned how to spit-shine while serving in the army).
After this, I would take all the clothing and starch it (it’s truly amazing how even a t-shirt can be transformed by the application of an iron). Then I would arrange everything into outfits for each person, labeled for the different days of the conference we were attending and pack all of it away.
The results were astounding. At each event our children shone like stars. They sported coordinated outfits, complete with shoes, that looked every-bit as though we just shopped for them at the mall.
This made them feel rich even though we were the poorest of all the families there.
(The uptake to all this effort was that the children were clothed for the entire next season.)
We homeschooled.
The common perception is that it’s cheaper to send a child to public school than to homeschool him.
I don’t think that’s quite accurate.
If we had sent our children to public school, we could never have afforded them. For one thing, we could never have kept up with the trends.
Then there would have been all the extra supplies, the fees for parties, events, trips, and on, and on…
And besides all this, there would be the toll on everyone’s relationships, which makes everything more expensive (and I’m talking in money, not just emotional stress, when you consider the waste caused by bad tempers, etc.).
Here at home I’ve been able to be as creative as possible, and everyone has come out better for it.
For one thing, we discovered all the different ways to learn which don’t involve expensive books or supplies. This has included unit studies and the McGuffey readers.
I have learned the lessons of frugal, but excellent, education so well that I have spent most of my time online helping others learn as well, as many of you already know.
I’m not going to lie; there have been times when our children felt left out or deprived.
Even though I have often felt hurt on their behaves, I have not let it bother me. Not getting everything they want, or that others made them feel they needed, has been hard at times, but it has not been devastating. It formed in our children character. By being forced to face disappointment, they’ve had to decide how they would overcome it.
They’ve learned how to make the best of things, which has put them ahead of their peers. They have not been deterred by lack of money, they have simply found ways to go around it.
In the end, we have discovered that it’s not a lack of money that makes a person feel poor, it’s a lack of character.
What are some of the ways your family has learned to enjoy life without money? I would love to hear your stories!
Here are the links to this post as a podcast via Substack and YouTube:
Homeschooling on One Income: How to Thrive When Money is Tight
