Socialized or Civilized Homeschoolers

Homeschooled Children don’t need to be socialized, but they do need to be civilized.

Socialization is a crock.

It is the over emphasis of the natural tendency of mankind to flock together. This “flocking” can be good when it is led by God (such as in the first Church), but usually ends up very badly.

Just thinking here of the Tower of Babel. This was “socialization” and “cooperation” at its pinnacle.

Incredible what a bunch of people, united and supportive of each other in a common goal, tried to do. They actually thought they could reach heaven and overcome God!

To be clear, let’s explore what being “social” means:

…adjusting to or making oneself fit for cooperative group living.

(paraphrased from Collins)

Now, on the outside this seems splendid. No one enjoys the chaotic jangling of discord.

James 3:16 says this:

For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there.

We all prefer “peace,” but just what kind?

I’m afraid conflict is so distasteful to us that we often settle for pseudo peace. We incorrectly believe that peace is a lack of conflict, which it is, but it is also so much more.

Peace is not only lack of conflict with other people. It is actually a state of agreement with God that brings with it prosperity in every area of life.

Consider the next verses in the third chapter of James:

But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

Then we have Psalm 34:11-18

Come, you children, listen to me;
I will teach you the fear of the Lord.
Who is the man who desires life,
And loves many days, that he may see good?
Keep your tongue from evil,
And your lips from speaking deceit.
Depart from evil and do good;
Seek peace and pursue it.

The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,
And His ears are open to their cry.
The face of the Lord is against those who do evil,
To cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,
And delivers them out of all their troubles.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

“Socialization” is not even in the same ballpark.

As we already noted, socializing people does not have to have a moral end–it could very well lead to an evil end, even a destructive end.

Consider the Nazi Party in Germany. Certainly the people were being “socialized.” They were conditioned to behave as members of a proud group–The Third Reich–and anyone who dissented from the aims of this group was summarily silenced. This did not decrease “strife and envy,” as mentioned in James 3:16, but it served to INCREASE these ugly, sinful attitudes. (The same as under communism as I heard from those who escaped from the Iron Curtain during the Cold War).

Here’s a truth:

Any group conceived outside of the fear and intentions of God will increase human misery and eventually self-destruct.

So, why would we ever want to “socialize” our children? This is what our system of education, coupled with the media, is attempting to do to us all. As J. T. Gatto put it, they are trying to make us fit for “…a herd, a hive, or an anthill.”

Instead of feeling stressed, we should be glad our children are not “fitting in”!

But before our arms become sore from patting ourselves on the back, we should look at the HIGHER things we must lead our children to.

• The two most important commandments (as found in Mark 12:30-31):

And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength.’ This is the first commandment.

And the second, like it, is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.

• The Golden Rule Jesus gave us: Love your neighbor as yourself.

How is this different from “socialization”?

Because putting God first means sometimes we must be at odds with others. This means others might not consider us socialized.

Also, loving others looks different. It means sometimes we have to speak uncomfortable truths that also put us at odds with others.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But the kisses of an enemy are deceitful.

Proverbs 27:6

This practice also keeps us from being considered cooperative members of a group.

Practicing The Golden Rule even puts us on the outside. It might cause conflict to disagree with the group which wants to murder helpless babies in the womb in the name of “convenience,” but I would hope someone would defend me if I were helpless, wouldn’t you?

This is the golden rule in conflict with the group.

Having said all this, let’s look closely at something often spoken about homeschooled children:

THEY’RE WEIRD.

Now, sometimes it’s absolutely wonderful homeschooled children are “weird” according to cultural standards, but sometimes homeschoolers are not only weird, but rude, and this does not reflect well on homeschooling in general.

I know we like to go on and on about how homeschoolers are not isolated, that they have plenty of opportunities to be “socialized,” and I suppose this allays the fears of some outsiders.

But what the heart of the question begs is are our children “civil”?

Do they know how to great or respond to other people? Do they know how to be warm and welcoming without being indiscreet? These are the things that cause outsiders to pause and consider.

Thankfully, teaching children to interact with others kindly and politely is pretty easy to do.

Here are just a few ways to go about it:

• Read aloud and/or watch some classic literature that showcases politeness, such as Jane Austin novels and their film adaptations.

• Find and share current books on manners. There are a bunch of them out there, even for children.
• Read through George Washington’s “Rules of Civility.” This one’s full of food for thought for young and old alike.
• Role-play various situations to give children practice.
• Help your child formulate answers for innocent questions, such as what grade they are in, where they live, etc.
• Have them practice writing out their full name, as well as memorizing your and your husband’s name and their address (and phone numbers).

These are simple and straight-forward. They seem almost too obvious, but they are easy to skip when everyone is at home and doesn’t have to be concerned with signing papers or interacting with school officials.

Just a little bit of time spent will equip our children so they can go out and be salt and light in this crazy world.

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