This post is another installment in our “unit study” for mommies on Babies. In earlier portions of this unit study we have covered things such as the myth of overpopulation and other general aspects of allowing children into our lives. Today we will focus on respecting childbirth.
I have given birth to 15 lively children, one-at-a-time. In medical terms, I am a “great-grand multipara.” I suppose you could say that I am an “expert” in my field (chuckling slightly).
What have I learned about childbirth?
First of all, I have learned that childbirth is a life-giving process, in more ways than one. This process gives life to the child, life to the mother, and life to all those included and connected. It is the birthing of an eternal soul into the world. It is the welcoming of a person recently in the presence of God.
Next, it’s essence is intensely intimate. Yes, there are outward joys to be shared, but what happens inside the heart and soul of a mother carrying a baby is indescribable. This actually became more intense with me the more children I had. I found that I did not share my last pregnancies with too many people. They were too delicately precious to me to be exposed for the world to gape upon. I was profoundly aware that I was bringing something eternal into the temporal, and I wanted to enjoy its majesty without the shallow comments of lookers-on.
Finally, we need to respect the process and not fight it. With pregnancy comes a softening, both of body and soul. Instead of fighting it, cooperating with it will yield great benefits to everyone concerned.
Of course, pregnancy is different for every woman. Some sail through, some suffer terribly.
Morning sickness threw me to my knees. I had to have Jesus carry me. I had to keep all of my emotions on a surface-level, nothing deep at all. At times I was almost unable to pray, except for a constant saying His name, Jesus! He had to carry me, because I had no strength, and nothing to bring to Him.
Nothing in my hand I bring,
Simply to Thy cross I cling;
Naked, come to Thee for dress;
Helpless, look to Thee for grace;
Foul, I to the fountain fly;
Wash me, Savior, or I die.Rock of Ages, Augustus M. Toplady, 1776
I was running on batteries.
Even my nutrition was on batteries for the first three or four months. After that I could concentrate more on nutrition.
I always tried to keep away from anything that could harm my baby, including caffeine, alcohol, O.T.C. drugs, etc. I tried to exercise and drink water.
Educating myself about the process proved quite helpful. One of the first books I read on the subject was by a Dr. Bradley, and his ideas have since become the “Bradley Method.” Besides this, Ina May Gaskin‘s book Spiritual Midwifery (affiliate link) was also immensely helpful, although it does include some Eastern mysticism.
Armed with knowledge, I could converse intelligently with health care workers and make informed choices. Understanding birth also removed any fears I may have had due to lack of knowledge.
In other words, knowing about birth put me in the driver’s seat.
I paid attention to my baby and my body.
This is serious work, yes, but also remember this is a NATURAL process. Women were successfully birthing long before ultrasounds, heart monitors, and IV’s. Of course, these are all wonderful when there is a real need, but usually unnecessary.
(I recently heard the account of a holocaust survivor whose mother gave birth to her in a coal cart on the way to a prison camp. She weighed only three pounds, but her mother kept her baby alive by holding her close to her own emaciated body. This baby lived into her 90’s.)
I think it’s important to remember that childbirth is different for everyone. Each person has a different threshold for pain, a differently shaped body, etc. This is why there should never be any judgement for women who have given birth. Some have no choice but to rely on medical interventions, such as Cesarean Section, etc.
For me, natural childbirth was best. After I read Dr. Bradley’s book I could not imagine it any other way.
The folks at the army hospital where I delivered my first two babies did not see things this way, however. As soon as actual labor was confirmed, I was strapped in to the accursed stirrups. Back then epidurals were rare, so both were unmedicated. The tearing was awful, even after the episiotomy. Since my later I delivered in more relaxed positions, I did not need episiotomies (and, in case you were wondering, my pelvic floor is doing quite well, even as a senior, praise God!).
I never have received pain medication during childbirth, although once I was given a relaxant (“staydol” they called it) which did not remove any pain, but left me feeling helpless. I eventually gained a realization of just how powerful childbirth could be, and I relished in it. At one birth attended by an RN midwife I squatted and caught my own baby up to my chest. I remember wiping her down, placenta still unborn, and wrapping her in a blanket as she looked deeply into my eyes.
However, even if one cannot enjoy the “ultimate” childbirth experience, in the end it doesn’t mean anything. All that counts is that tiny infant safe and in your arms, no matter what kind of journey it took for her to get there.
I do know that recovery is much quicker when you go as natural as possible. One of our daughters just gave birth in a free-standing birth center. Her first had been in an army hospital with all sorts of interventions. He recovery took longer and was not pleasant. This second one was with midwives who respected the process and offered natural medicine alternatives. She was released six hours after birth, and her placental wound had healed completely within two weeks!
Women have been known to give birth in the fields where they were helping bring in the harvest, and recover quickly enough to keep helping.
What about baby spacing?
I have heard this question quite often. My own grandmother learned to be a nurse in an age where everyone was looking to the savage to find out how things were “supposed to” be done more naturally. Supposedly, a certain native tribe somewhere south purposely spaced their children five years apart, so the medical community all wrote papers about it and declared it optimum. (Never mind that some of these tribes also let their babies die of exposure if their upper teeth came in first, and all sorts of other nonsense.)
I personally don’t believe there is such a thing as the “perfect” span between children. Mothers can certainly handle children closer together, and children grow amazingly well spaced close together. They also grow wonderfully if there is a great gap. There are drawbacks and benefits to both, but in the end it doesn’t really matter.
This is God’s work, after all. His thoughts and reasons are much higher than mine, so I let Him decide, and left the rest to His grace.
I do find that having children close together is hardest at first, but later turns out swimmingly, as the children entertain and support each other (even the grown children in our home currently do this quite well).
The family God gives us, if we are open to His leading, is the “perfect” family composition. This may include a special needs child, or twins, or huge gaps of years. Remember, babies are not an ends, they are a means to perfecting us in holiness (and bringing God’s Kingdom to earth as it is in heaven, of course).
Also, it’s not about the number, it’s about the state of our souls; whether we are small-minded or big-hearted.
As I have discussed in earlier posts, the health benefits of mothering are numerous. However, there will be some physical sacrifices we’ll have to make. Our figures my bounce back, or they may suffer. Everyone is different. While we should strive to be as healthy as possible, we should also be willing to embrace looking “motherly,” and not necessarily slim as models.
This doesn’t mean we let our health go and develop bad habits and blame it all on having kids. Self-discipline is always a good thing.
One thing I have observed: Having babies, lots of them, does not leave you infirmed later in life.
My own relatives were actually struggling more at my age (I’m 60) than I am. The areas I struggle in are not connected to child bearing. I look at other women my age who have birthed at most two children, and I think I look and operate as well or better. I have known numerous mothers of many over the years and this has been their experience as well.
I think this is because, as A.W. Tozer put it, “God runs a beauty shop.” Walking closely with God in His love can only cause one to become more beautiful with age.
Sadly, people base their opinions about multi paras on information gathered from poor women who were immoral or birthed multiple children to obtain bigger welfare checks. Of course they experienced negative consequences due to their lifestyles and their attitudes, but not because of their babies.
The wisdom I would share with other mothers is this; allow mothering, including pregnancy and childbirth, to have its perfect work in you. Enjoy the softening and the warming of God’s love and allow it to go beyond your own children to those around you, including the lost and hurting you come across wherever you find yourself. Become a healing balm and a safe haven. Allow mothering to make you a sweet bouquet of Jesus offered to the world.
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